Confidence. That’s a tricky one.
I’ve been asked countless times by entrepreneurs, leaders, and professionals the same question: “How can I feel more confident?”
Wouldn’t it be great if there were a quick fix? A three-step hack? A pep talk that magically erases doubt? I’d love to have that figured out myself.
The reality is that every step on the path to the next level is littered with self-doubt. Why? Because you’re doing something you haven’t done before. Of course it feels shaky—you’re venturing into new territory.
👉 Confidence isn’t a personality trait you’re born with (unless you’re a narcissist). Confidence is competence in action. And competence takes time.
The Two Sides of Confidence
You’ve probably heard the phrase “fake it till you make it.” Let me be clear—this isn’t about lying or pretending to know something you don’t.
It means you’ve set a goal, you don’t yet have the full roadmap, but you trust your ability to get there. Sometimes that looks like pumping yourself up in the mirror, reminding yourself: Yes, I can do this.
The other side is the deep knowing that comes after putting in the work—practice, preparation, repetition. That’s the competence piece. It’s where confidence turns from bravado into something unshakable.
Competence Creates Confidence
Here are a few simple examples of how building competence builds confidence:
- Preparing a presentation? Rehearse until the material feels second nature.
- Entering a negotiation? Decide your must-haves and non-negotiables before you step in.
- Want to showcase expertise? Complete your Unapologetic Value Proposition (UVP) so others can see your value clearly.
Confidence doesn’t fall from the sky. It’s the product of repetition, preparation, and proof.
Without competence, confidence is shaky—loud on the outside but fragile underneath. With competence, confidence is grounded—you don’t have to fake it, because you know you can deliver.
My Own Lesson in Competence
When I was building my business from scratch as a single mom $135,000 in debt, confidence was nowhere in sight. Most days I was terrified. Bills were piling up, my daughter was depending on me, and I was in an industry that wasn’t exactly welcoming to women.
What I did have was a commitment to competence.
I learned. I tested. I failed. I tried again. Every small skill I sharpened became another brick in the foundation of my confidence.
Eventually, that competence gave me the certainty to negotiate and sell my business to Bill Gates in a multimillion-dollar deal.
That didn’t happen because I faked confidence. It happened because I earned it.
How to Sharpen Your Skills (and Your Confidence)
If you want to feel more self-assured, stop chasing “confidence hacks” and start building competence. Here’s how:
✅ Commit to mastery. Don’t try to be great at everything. Pick the skill that matters most and go deep. Do that one thing first.
✅ Practice deliberately. Don’t just log hours—stretch your abilities each time.
✅ Seek feedback. Hire a coach. Ask others to point out blind spots.
✅ Breakthroughs require integration, take the time you need.
✅ Stack wins. Notice when something that used to feel impossible is now easy.
The Confidence Loop
Here’s the beautiful part: once you start sharpening your skills, you create a self-reinforcing cycle:
- More competence → more confidence.
- More confidence → more willingness to try.
- More trying → even greater competence.
And the cycle keeps expanding.
Confidence That Lasts
Real confidence doesn’t come from pretending—it comes from persistence and passion. From showing up, practicing, and proving to yourself that you can.
And once you’ve built competence, something shifts. You no longer need to convince yourself you belong in the room. You’ll already know you do.
👉 So ask yourself: What skill, if I sharpened it today, would change my confidence tomorrow?
That’s where you start. And that’s where growth begins.
Let’s grow,
Beate