We used to believe masculine women were butch, a little bit scary, wore pant suits and comfortable shoes—they were easy to spot. That surely has changed. I am a masculine alpha woman. I wear high heels, frills, skirts, and like it if my man orders dinner for me. Yet in business, I can be as tough as nails.
Alpha women are rising through the ranks and making things happen in corporate America and in their own businesses. I wrote about this a while ago here. Do we need to discuss the “can-women-have-it-all” question for the umpteenth time? I created a code for women years ago that settles the debate: The Women’s Code. The short answer is Yes.
What defines a masculine woman?
A masculine woman takes charge. She has learned to be fearless, or knows how to overcome her fears. This woman is a go-getter. She doesn’t wait for an invitation to the table, she keeps looking for the one she wants to sit at. Masculine women have ‘recognizable traits’ that were formerly only revered in men. Here are some of them: powerful, intimidating, opinionated, outspoken, strategic, persuasive, ambitious, and effective.
Masculine women have it hard. I know firsthand as a single working mother who had no choice but to make things happen. My ex was a feminine man who didn’t want to step up, and he was soon nowhere to be found. On a daily basis, I alone had to fight for food and a decent place for my daughter to sleep, while always dreaming of a better life. Perhaps you can relate.
Until The Women’s Code, the traditional choices women had were:
- Figure out how men do it and go the same path (while trying to remain feminine and attractive to suitors); or
- Stay timid and exercise classic female traits (be obedient, put others before yourself, be the peacemaker) and get stuck like so many of us in middle management roles with frozen career paths and menial salaries for the next 30 years.
I can’t stand it. The Women’s Code is here to change all this. The next level of female liberation and equality will be for all of us.
Wanting a career, moving ahead, and being heard require masculine attributes. There is no way around it.
But, let’s face it…
Some of us don’t want to be in charge in all areas of our lives. We want someone who we can depend on. Not because we need to, but because we yearn for a partnership. Masculine women need to figure out how to turn those masculine attributes off at times to let our men do what masculine men usually do—support and protect their wives and children.
While I know this sounds a bit old fashioned and appears at first glance to be a step backward, I have learned the hard way there is no room for two masculine partners in a relationship. That stands true for any type of relationship.
What does this mean for women? It means we want to have a choice of who we want to be at work and who we are at home.
If you’re like me and prefer a masculine man, you might just have to tone down that take-charge attitude at home. That doesn’t mean we have to be mousy or act stupid, it simply means that we step back from being the boss all the time. And really, isn’t it exhausting doing everything anyway?
Try to have some fun with it. As for me, running all areas of my life left me feeling emotionally cut off. Now, I am allowing myself to be nurtured. Wow. It feels amazing. Try it for yourself.
In my next article, I’ll talk about feminine men and what that means for busy women like us. In the meantime, do let me know if you recognize yourself or another woman in this article.
Thank you kindly for this!
we have a different understanding of masculinity. I’m glad i read your article, so that I might be aware of a different or broader definition. when i use the term masculine in regards to a woman, I’m specifically referring to physiological attributes, ie, deep voice, aggressive energy, square and broad shoulders, big feet, absent of a soft nurturing spirit, traditional male energy, talking loud. The type of woman that men typically don’t care to be with intimately. But, the behavior necessary for being a go-getter and deal maker at work, also, being opinionated and strategic, I don’t consider masculine or feminine.
I think you might be confusing assertive confidence for masculinity. I think we’ve come to consider them one-in-the-same. I don’t think they are. I bench press 200 lbs. Does that make me assertive and confident or masculine? Or does that make me a lesbian? No- saying I date women makes me a lesbian. I’m simply a physically strong woman. I’m not an Alpha- because I don’t belong to a pack of wolves. Labels are for clothes and the insecure.
Thank you for pointing this out. You are correct, everyone is an individual. But, if that was true things are fine in the workplace as it is. But they are not for women and minorities. In my example I ask what is the equivalent? If you can bench press 200 pounds then you have a different equivalent compared to the average woman. Do you agree that we need to make definitions first to identify what they are and THEN we can remove the labels?
Well, like Will shared. I viewed physical features as masculine and those traits as just traits.
I would say based on your descriptive that I have many masculine traits. Leadership role in all careers. Assertive forward, outgoing. like to build things. And so I find that I naturally switch my vibe to a softer feminine energy when around stronger male energy and to a more masculine energy when around a soft female energy.
I never saw my behavior as more masculine… I Always found it odd that women were pigeon holed into demuer passive roles quiet controlled roles and behaviors…
I am now learning to embrace my masculine energy in balance as we all have both in us and learning to work with both in harmony is key in my experience and understanding… And once post menopausal, the quest for ones alignment seems even stronger as our energy shifts from procreative to a more balanced direction and a more fulfilling life moving forward…
Excellent insights Anita. It’s less about judging but being aware of how you are being perceived. And then we use this to our advantage by turning one on or off. I look at this as a tool. I definitely have masculine traits, but I am with a strong alpha. There can’t be two alpha males, so both of us make a conscious shift into relationship mode after we’ve been slaying dragons all day. Too exhausting to be in masculine mode all day.
I identify with this description strongly. I thought there was something wrong with me, then I found it’s just because I am an INTJ.
I disagree. I want to be masculine all the time no matter what. I want to be seen as powerful and not vulnerable. I don’t care of how it will affect my mental health as long as those around me fear me and respect me.
I never want to submit to anyone i never want to show my emotion to anyone. I want to be happy and this is the only way.
OMG I ONLY HAVE A FEW WORDS TO SAY. THIS IS TOTALLY ME 100%. THANKS FOR SHARING.