Getting on with It (“Relax,” continued)

One of the hardest things to realize is that many things won’t last forever, an emotional upset, a broken relationship, an unfortunate turn of events. When we’re caught in an emotional upheaval, it’s hard to see past it. But that’s part of relaxing into life, that is, accepting and not dwelling on things.

For my part, the first time a guy broke my heart, I sat in my room in front of my photo wallpaper crying my eyes out. My big brother was so upset on my behalf that he was ready to jump on his motorcycle and go beat up the guy who’d done me wrong. Today, I chuckle when I think about that day, but I still remember how badly it hurt at the time. I am fondly reminded of the days when big brothers wanted to rescue little sisters from heartbreak!

Remember how you thought that the heartache of your first breakup would never go away? But the heartache faded, and you fell in love again. Inevitably, as happens with many of us, your heart was likely broken again, and that didn’t hurt any less. The next time it happened to me, my brother wasn’t there to make it all better. Since that first heartbreak, I’ve lost track of how many times my heart has been broken, or when I’ve been disappointed by a man.

What I’ve learned through it all, though, is that not everyone is right for me. Some people only walk with you and share your life for a period of time. We begin to learn to move through our pain and finally get on with our lives.

An upset has the most power and impact when it is experienced for the first time. You can’t believe that this terrible thing is happening to you, and you believe you’ve failed. It’s during your first encounter with something that you perceive as difficult and unpleasant, that you give it a lot of thought and, unfortunately, a lot of power over you.

It could be a breakup, a problem at your job, a critique, a careless comment, a loss or anything that you perceive as a personal failure. You might be just a little upset, or very upset, for a while. If the event is major (or if you choose to unleash the drama queen in you), you probably feel that this could easily be the end of the world as you know it. You may fall prey to thoughts of despair, and feel as if there is no way out. The weight of the experience sits heavily on your shoulders as it is occurring, and you may be paralyzed by fear.

Fear is part of realizing we’re not in control. Or fear of losing control. We don’t have control over other people’s actions – and when we realize this, that is, when we take an action and let go of the results, we’ll be able to relax into ourselves more.

What was one of the disappointments in your life that you had trouble dealing with when you were younger, and what are some recent ones you’re coping with? It would be interesting to compare, and to see how you’ve grown, or even whether certain attitudes still plague you. Let me know – I’d love to hear from you.