Defining the Defining Years

Of course, there are ups and downs in life. And there can be sudden shifts. You’ll get to know them.

During your defining years, which I consider to between ages 25 to 45, a specific rhythm that lasts a specific period of time should be your one main focus.

I use the term “defining years” quite a lot. What I mean when I refer to a person’s defining years is the span of time when we no longer depend on our parents but choose and define who we are and what type of person it is that we want to become. This is usually a process that takes several years.

The defining years generally begin roughly from the time you get your first job, or sometimes from the arrival of your first child. When I say “job,” I’m not referring to just any job – such as high-school summer employment or a make-do temp position – but the job that signals the beginning of your professional career. The end of the defining years comes when you know who you are and you no longer worry so much about what others think. You know you can take care of yourself.

At this point, you define yourself by what you want to do, and are willing to do, and not merely by what you have to do get from point A to point B. This usually happens for the most part by the time you’ve reached your very late thirties or your early forties. The timeline can vary slightly a few years up or down depending on the personal choices that have guided your life. (But I should add that it’s never too late for anyone to define herself.)

The theory behind ego-RHYTHM™ is that if you are more cognizant of what is going on in your life right now and understand where you are on your journey and what happens in your current rhythm, you will have an easier time enjoying today.

So, make a real effort to be grateful and content where you are right now, because this rhythm will change, and you might never get to experience it again. It’s a matter of enjoying this moment, right now – a concept that goes back into civilization (even the Romans, with their “carpe diem,” or “seize the day” saying, knew that it was important to enjoy the present – and you know it wasn’t a thought that they came up with; it had been around for a long while).

One of the most important things I want to get across to you is that every person and, here, every woman, gets to have it all… over time. There are a few things you will have to do and practice until the concepts sink in and become second nature, but it is my firm belief that what you want is available for you to have.

So, at what stage of your “defining years” are you at this moment? Tell me – I want to know! Where are you in terms of your career, your life cycle – your personal choices? I’d love to hear from you.